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The word is out on Jack’s new Triple Bacon Buttery Jack. It’s the newest addition to the Buttery Jack family, made with hickory-smoked bacon, bacon mayo, and—Jack’s secret ingredient—new bacon butter. If you have any information regarding the #BaconButterHack, please call 1-855-JACK-HACK or tweet @JackBox. We suspect is behind the hack. Sources tell us the hackers have also uncovered a few of Jack’s personal items:

• Modeling headshots • An R&B album titled “Don’t Box Me In” • Future burger ideas • 43 GB of cute kitten videos • An unfinished rock opera • Prom photos • The 2nd draft of a romance novel • A lot of self-help tapes • E-mails to a Nigerian prince • A receipt for tattoo removal • Love letters Jack wrote to himself • A dream diary • A music playlist called “Jack in the Bach” • Designs for a velcro sweater • An oil painting of Cricket on a horse • Slam poetry • A photo album from Cancun ‘84 • 1,376 blog entries • Vacation photos of Jack with cornrows • A screenplay called “Agent Wednesday” • An overdue reminder to learn Swahili • Video of Jack dancing with a mannequin at his cousin’s wedding • More slam poetry • Blueprints to put a water slide in Jack’s bedroom • Transcriptions of every locker room speech from every sports movie ever • Pictures of Jack with a spray tan • A pan flute mixtape • Threatening voicemails from Jack’s librarian • A children's novel called “Jack Jr. Goes to the Zoo” • A copy of a scathing e-mail he never sent to Jack Jr.’s baseball coach • Personal tax returns • Corporate tax returns • Phil’s tax returns • A dress sock review web series • Pictures from the 1996 Christmas party • A photo involving Jack, a bearskin rug, and not much else • Medical bills for plastic surgery • An ebook on how to write ebooks • An insurance policy for his hat

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current03:28, February 4, 2017Thumbnail for version as of 03:28, February 4, 201700:31480 × 269 (17 KB)TheSitcomLover (Talk | contribs)created video


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